LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(8)

PART 8

Sola was walking fast now with some sort of rage evident on his face. I wasn't sure whether he was angry at my lateness to class or maybe his test didn't go well. I also remembered the library incident last night and hoped another scenario wasn't going to play out.

He started pointing at my shirt while laughing hysterically. Prior to that time, i had never seen him so amused and when I looked to see the cause for his amusement, it turned out he was perfectly alright. I had worn the wrong side of my polo shirt and it was then I realized why my course mates were having a good laugh earlier at the test hall. I instantly felt ashamed, and infuriated at myself as I rushed to the nearest toilet to do some damage control.

My stomach was rumbling by now, so i headed to my favourite bukka; well, some people called it the village of food. Which when I heard first, I had a very poor mental picture that didn't correlate with reality. The Village of food was so small, yet had in stock any kind of food you could think of.

I headed to 'Oga Yellow's' Bukka my favorite spot as I ordered my favorite dish on the menu, introducing BlackBerry.
Blackberry (BB) was a code name for bread and beans. Nobody was sure who invented that name, but we all used it anyway. I was served and in several minutes, I devoured two large sized 'Agege' bread and a big bowl of beans.

With my appetite satisfied, i headed back to class and knew i was late for the next lecture and as a result I had to stand all through the lecture. I received the rest of the lectures for the day and headed back to the hostel for some rest.

As I got to the room and lied on my bed to relax., I was briefed about how Ade had been mistaken for the 'water-thief'. According to the narrator, the young man whom I stole from had sighted Ade carrying a pail of water and a fight ensued between them. Infact, it got so serious that the school authorities had to be involved in that case. I pretended not to know what was going on as a sense of guilt clouded around me. I started regretting my actions and as several thoughts began to race through my mind, I fell into a deep sleep. Then I had a dream.

To be continued.
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LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT (7)

PART 7

On getting to the faculty, the bottom floor of engineering faculty building seemed deserted, it was then I knew something was amiss. I quickly checked the notice board whether test centres had been pasted. Lo and behold, MTH112 had begun approximately 20 minutes ago and to make matters worse, the test centre was one I'd never heared of prior to that moment.


Instantly, I became unsettled as i began searching for the test centre. I was literally running from pillar to post as balls of sweat started trickling down my face. I decided to ask a particular lady I saw not too far from where i stood where ETF building was; what followed was a very stern look, a hiss, then she walked away. Perhaps her thought was that I was trying to 'toast' her. Even if i were to try to 'toast' a lady, it wont be that way as my favorite pickup line was 'Hello, i know your face but i cant remember where we met'. That line had a success rate of 70%. Reality crept back in as i felt dejected and frustrated still searching for the elusive ETF building. It wasnt until a good Samaritan finally offered to direct me to the ETF building that I discovered my Eldorado. I quickly thanked the Samaritan and hurried to the test hall.


As i approached the building, I cursed myself for not familiarizing myself enough with the school environment well enough. My stepping in to the class caused a major distraction as the whole hall burst into laughter.


The invigilator turned around, adjusted his spectacles and then he started starimg at me like I was some strange alien or some specimen under a microscope. I could read his mind perfectly that moment and I wished the ground would open and swallow me instantly.


They were already 40minutes into the exam as the invigilator was skeptical about allowing me write the test as the rule was that if one is 30minutes late to a test, he/she won't be allowed to write. By a stroke of luck, the invigilator handed me a question and answer sheet which I quickly grabbed. I located an empty seat at  the back end of the class set to begin my test but noticed my mates were still staring at me instead of battling with their test. Perhaps the answers were written on my forehead I thought.


I quickly scanned through the questions praying silently that they should be similar to the topics i prepared for. Luckily for me they were especially the ones that involved complex calcuations. I brought out my calculator to do some arithmetic but to my utter dismay, it refused to switch on. I tried every trick in the book; i slammed the calculator, took out the batteries and fixed them back in all to no avail. This resulted on slowing me down as i had to borrow calculators from willing lenders whenever i came across any complex arithmetic question. Once the invigilator spotted my antics, he shunned me warning me not to disturb others. I protested my innocence showing him my own calculator set; I mean I'd been using this calculator consistently without issues, but why it chose to fail me when I needed it the most was beyond me.


The test wasn't as difficult as first feared except for my calculator deserting me. I was able to round up just in time as the invigilator screamed 'submit'. I hurriedly got up and made a case for my submission as I was the last to submit.


I got out of the hall wondering why my course mates never bothered to call me when I saw Sola walking towards me, he seemed angry at my lateness to the test hall. It was then I discovered I had misplaced my phone, but something else was terribly wrong.


To be continued.

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LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(6b)

PART 6B

Staring at me at the bathroom entrance was a refreshing bucket of water. I looked left, then right and with no one in sight, I quickly grabbed the bucket and proceeded to bath.

I poured a scoop of  the water on my body and began scrubbing hastily. In four minutes, i was done bathing. I got out of the bathroom and began towelling amidst prayers that the owner won't get to know what transpired. Luckily for me, he didn't or so I thought.

I hurriedly ran into the room meeting a very displeasing sight of my roommates feasting on my beloved golden morn cereal; Was this Nemesis or Karma unleashing its wrath on me? Here I stood watching all fourteen of them munching happily whilst staring at me without an iota of remorse or conscience, and just like that, my golden morn of #500 was gone AH!! that was like 70% of my daily budget. I then remembered I had forgotten to lock my cupboard the previous night.

I was entitled to a #10000(ten thousand naira) monthly stipend and golden morn had a reserved spot on my scale of preference and no matter how tight the list was, I always seemed to squeeze it in one way or the other.

I wish I could create a scene there and then or express my displeasure at their action in a very unruly way, but then my gentle self won't let me coupled with the fact that it was my birthday; ain't letting nothing ruin my day I said to myself. I made for my cupboard, did a quick check and found my belongings Intact and then proceeded to dress up.

I wore an oversized yellow polo shirt, oversized trousers and a slippers I had purchased earlier at TABA( I wasn't the most fashion conscious student) and headed to class for MTH102 test.

As I made for class along the hostel hallway, I walked past Ade my next door hostel mate carrying a pail of water. He had succeeded in getting water utilizing option one. Ade was an introvert to the core, he kept to himself most of the time and had little or no time for frivolities and social activities. He was the only 'girlfriend-less' guy in his room and his roommates would often tease him about being gay or impotent. He marched on not noticing I had attempted to say hello and congratulate him on his fruitful venture.

I walked past the borehole outside the hostel where the supposed queue had turned into an angry crowd, few were even seen fighting as tempers flared. I later learnt the water stopped dropping from the tap and the main tank had to be opened as students dipped their buckets in. Those at the back-end of the queue started causing problems knowing the water won't last their turn.

Even though my stomach was rumbling from hunger by now, I had decided to starve myself until after the test which turned out to be one of my worst experience on campus.

LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(6a)

PART 6A

As i dashed down the hallway in a bid to escape the forthcoming melee, I attracted more students which resulted in a plumetting party for them to my detriment.

All my plea for leniency fell on deaf ears as i was bathed and sprayed with all sorts of stuffs ranging from tomato paste, ice-cold sachet water, 'kunu', 'zobo', and other liquids which I had no idea what they were.

I hurriedly went back to my room, picked my towel, soap case, bucket and proceeded to cleanse the filth from my body. My roommates were awash with laughter by now, mocking me for not being man-enough and lucky not to be beaten. I headed to the tiny hostel bathroom to bath. I was always in a hurry bath as I had an allergy of sharing washrooms with strangers, but the exhaustion from the ritual wouldn't allow me this time around.

I turned on the tap only to discover water wasn't flowing. Damn it! I screamed within me. The tank was empty, and to think fellow hostel mates wasted numerous buckets for an unworthy cause.

Shortage of water was the worst eventuality that could happen in Nollywood hostel. In situations like this, there were usually three options.

The first was to source for water outside the hostel, an option which i was not ready to explore as I'd have to queue for several minutes if not hours staring at tiny droplets filling gigantic buckets.

The second option was for the luxurious. It involved purchasing bags of sachet water for that purpose. I wasn't buoyant enough to afford that option, so I dropped that idea.

The last resort of course was to go for lectures without bathing. An attractive option at that point in time. I decided to go with the third option as we had a test that morning. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I set my eyes on something that put me between the devil and a deep blue sea.

To be continued.
21:00 GMT+1

LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(5)

PART 5

The rain had began to drizzle by now as I was gradually regaining my sanity. I started cursing those guys I encountered. But for them, I'd have been on my sweet bed by now I thought.

The atmosphere around the library was so serene that even at the library corridor where I was, you could hear a pin drop but this quiet was soon interrupted by a dramatic commotion.

All of a sudden, a young man dashed out the library screaming out loud 'mo ti mo o, mo ti mo o'. Which meant in English language. I've known it, I've known it but since I had little or no strength at that time, I just stood fixed to a spot hoping it was nothing too serious.

In no time, two other students had followed behind the young man giving him a hot chase as he headed for the sports complex. Rumours later had it that the young man had developed sudden mental illness as a result of too-much reading.

I relaxed some more and after some time, everywhere seemed a bit brighter as NEPA, sorry PHCN had restored power supply and also the drizzling had stopped, it was then i resolved to advance to my hostel.

I got to the hostel and strolled in majestically; the gate was wide open and there was a considerable level of activity as students were preparing for the day.

I got to my hostel room and met everyone still asleep with the exception of Jimoh. Jimoh loved video games a lot and could sacrifice a night's sleep for PES and Winning Eleven soccer games.

'Adidos na sleep get me like this, abeg shift' I pleaded in local parlance. He adjusted still fully focused on his laptop screen as I literally dived on the bed and proceeded to dreamland.

Jimoh was the 'dumbest' kid in room 242 Nollywood  hostel. He once went on shopping at the popular Taba market to purchase a counterfeited footwear branded 'Adidos' instead of the popular Adidas brand, gene the nickname 'Adidos'. 😂😂

Back to my sleep, I had a dream that night. In that dream, I saw my 'PRG 101' lecturer congratulating me on my excellent result. I was top of the class and felt on top of the world. True to the dream, I had a flair for programming and had little or no problem with the course which wasn't the case for many of my coursemates. The lecturer was about handing a brown parcel to me when I felt something liquid-like pour over my body and bed.

I jerked up and was already cursing  within me. Who's this devil sent to me to block my imaginary brown parcel from being delivered to me.

Guess what? It was my birthday and my roommates had conspired to perform the usual birthday ritual on me. This ritual involved beatings, slaps and bathing with soapy mud water, 'zobo', and other things you would and wouldn't have imagined. I dashed out of the room to escape the rituals as my roommates followed closely; an action I was to regret taking shortly.


Thanks for reading and watch out for the next part. Don't forget to drop comments below. 🙌

LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(4)

PART FOUR

As I proceeded to head back to class, I discovered my left sandals was nowhere to be found and I'd been running helter skelter with just one leg of sandals. Luckily, I was able to locate the missing sandals just in time without much stress.

The incident that day had a ripple effect on lots of  'night-classers'. Remember the second category of night-class attendees? The lovebirds. Many of them were seen quarrelling and blaming themselves for deserting each other in such time of danger. The first category too dared not go back to sleep; they were still in shock and were scared to continue sleeping. They either went back to their hostels or joined the reading gang.

Due to the episode that played out coupled with the fact that the weather was getting cold now, I lost motivation to study further that night so I decided to head back to the hostel. On my way back, I felt the urge to answer nature's call and the school's central toilet was just in front of me; perfect timing I thought.

 I rushed in to ease myself to my satisfaction, flushed the toilet and proceeded out faced down, still buckling my belt. I raised my head and noticed two strange looking guys motioning at me to come to them. I observed them for about five seconds before they started charging towards me. Sensing the danger, my first instinct was to run for my dear life, but again my belt was half-buckled. I dashed down the road and headed towards the library with one hand on my trouser. After running for about four minutes, the thudding footsteps behind me quietened, then I stopped running. By that time the palpitation of my heartbeat was so severe, so I had to relax a bit to catch my breathe.

 Whenever I remember that unfortunate scenario, I'm so sure i would have ran faster than Usain Bolt that night for sure but for my sagging trouser.

I had gotten to the library entrance, located a pavement and decided to unwind a bit. The library was always going to be a safe haven as there was constant flow of traffic in and out and besides that, the library's power supply never dissaponted. 

At times i wished the hostel's power supply was as regular as the library's as I never bothered to visit the library for my night classes; selfish thinking maybe, but what happened next reaffirmed my hatred for the library.

Let me know what you think in the comment box below.

Next episode coming up.

Thanks for reading.

LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(3)

PART THREE

I began studying with so much ecstasy the EEC124 formulas, theorems and notes. As an engineering student, there was no greater joy than assimilating the theorems, laws and various rules. Kirchoff's law and superposition theorem in particular always seemed difficult but surprisingly, they became pieces of cake that night. Infact i started feeling like i was the next Charles Darwin and also an offspring of Albert Einstein.

Suddenly I felt rumblings and stampede-like movement around me. It wasn't until I stopped the music playing that I started hearing screams of FIRE! FIRE! With fear and shock, I quickly made sure my ITEL phone and HP laptop were safe with me, I didn't even think about my books as I dashed out of the class joining the stampede. Behold, the sight I beheld was distressing to say the least; Students were jumping from two storeys high in a bid to escape the invisible fire.

I decided against joining them as the gentle and law abiding student that I was or maybe I never wanted to risk dislocating my joints. I made it safely downstairs and met everyone in a state of disarray with the question begging on everyone's lips; Where's the fire?

Well, It turned out there was no fire and we realized we'd all been fooled. The tension and fear in the atmosphere for some suddenly turned into laughter and for others anger. The latter were of the opinion that the person who raised the false alarm should be searched for and given a thorough beating. I had a quick look at my wristwatch and discovered it was April 1st 12:18am; the pieces were finally coming together I thought. As I  made back for the stairs, my first step made me discover something was amiss.

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LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT(2)

PART TWO

Remember the trick i used on the hostel porter; I learnt it from the other guys who would always part with their funds to allow their girlfriend(s) access to the hostel at odd hours.😯

JP POLYTECHNIC was a 'petit' school spanning just about 50acres of land so it was easy to navigate one's way around the campus. So I began my five minutes walk from NOLLYWOOD hostel to the engineering faculty building.

Nollywood? Yes, you read that right; the name of the hostel was coined as a result of the various drama and happenings that went on in the hostel. Once a man came in to preach and was given the beating of his life for insulting students in the name of religion. He barely escaped with body and soul together. Another of such incidents was when a guy was cooking a pot of rice, only to quickly use the toilet and on getting back, the pot of rice was nowhere to be found. He later found the empty pot in front of the hostel in the evening. 😁😂

I walked past the deafening noise of the generator, it was then it dawned on me that the power supply wasn't actually from NEPA(National Electric Power Authority) or should I say PHCN(Power Holding Company Of Nigeria). The thing is the name has been changed severally, but the NEPA acronym just stuck; we were used to it. As the noise faded gradually I began to wonder about the column on the school fee bill which read 'soundproof generator'. Soundproof indeed I thought to myself.

As I continued my walk, everywhere seemed quiet for a moment until the snoring sound of the faculty's security guard caught my attention. His cap on his face, shirt unbuttoned displaying an unblemished pot belly and a singlet whose colour I couldn't tell it was brown or 'dirty-white'. I wasn't suffering from colour blindness, hell no. I walked past him and made for the staircase. Finally got to class and settled down to start jacking.

You see, the thing with night class is that you'll get to meet different categories of students. The first category are those who came just to escort their friends to class. These ones are like the proverbial fly that follows feaces in a bid not to seem unserious, they pile books and follow others to class only to end up dozing till the next day without reading jack.

The second category you'll meet are the lovers crew. These ones are usually in pairs and they use night class as an avenue for their meet ups and romantic escapades. 

The third category are people like myself. We go to class, do our reading and round up when tired or sleepy. Being the type that loves to read with music playing, I plugged my  earpiece in my ears an put on repeat Olamide's 'stupid love'. Yes I loved listening to that fast paced song while reading, it kept me awake and made my brain alert. My other favorite song for that purpose was Wiz Khalifa's black and yellow; I just love the song for no particular reason to the amazement of my colleagues who preferred munching on nescafe's 3 in 1 coffee or dipping their feet in cold water. Whatever rocks their boat I'll think to myself not knowing what was to befall me shortly.

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LIFE OF A TYPICAL NIGERIAN STUDENT (A SHORT STORY)

PART ONE

It was a cold Friday night, I woke up seemingly amazed at the speed of the turn of events these past few weeks. I just got admitted into higher institution, albeit a Polytechnic, the type of school which is on the lower rung of the educational system of this part of the world; people who graduate from here are discriminated against in the formal worksphere.

The dirty black ceiling which was a resultant of cooking secretly in my hostel room stared at me exhibiting various inscriptions and signatures inscribed by ex students and alumnus. Surprisingly, there was power supply, a very rare occurence at this time of the night.

Since tests were fast approaching, I had planned to 'jack' all through the night. I got up stretched and made for my study materials, handset and school bag.

I had taken two steps when I felt I had stepped on something hard, yet succulent, then I thought to myself what could it be? It was only when I looked I realized I had stepped on Segun (One of my numerous roommates). He barely reacted. Yes, Segun loved his sleep that much, he would be the first to bed and the last to arrive class for lectures. We always wondered how his Grade point hardly dropped. What a weirdo.

You see, the thing about the room was that it was originally meant for four students, instead, we decided to bend the rules a bit and accommodate six more students whom we call 'squatters' who in turn brought their own 'sub-squatters' which when summed up we numbered about FIFTEEN!

Anyway, I succeeded in gathering my laptop and other study materials without much fuss and headed to night class for 'jacking'. On getting to the hostel gate, the porter on duty that night refused opening the gate citing instances of me always wanting to go out at night. He shouted;

'Na only you sabi read, see all your mates dey sleep, wetin you dey find'.

I wasn't at all dazed as i thought he was most likely drunk and I wasn't ready for any scuffle. Fortunately for me, he allowed me out of the hostel, but not until I had parted with one #100 note.

WATCH OUT FOR THE NEXT PART.